What Does it Mean?

kremer.jpg

The SOTY Race of 2014 brought rise to a seemingly endless slew of speculation. After many ups, downs, tasteless campaigning tactics, wildcards, underdogs, and shoe-ins, the prize was ultimately and deservedly given to Wes Kremer. He wallie 180 to fakie 5-0'd clipper. You can't argue with that. Among the leading sources of said speculation leading up to Thrasher's unveiling ceremony was The Birdman's own Ride Channel. I know what you're all thinking. Or at least I think I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Oh god. He's going to shit on Ride Channel for basically serving as skateboarding's special version of Buzzfeed, dispassionately secreting click bait to anyone lacking the self-control/self-respect required to simply say 'no'. Blah blah blah."

Well, you were wrong. I actually have no issues with Ride Channel, or anything they do for skateboarding. I think it's great, and they've got some great people doing some great stuff for them. It's all great.

I do however, have one issue with one statement in one article I read following the SOTY race of 2014. The piece, entitled "10 Skate World Predictions for 2015", ...does just that, making prediction after prediction as to what will happen this year in skateboarding. We all know how lists work. So after falling for the click bait, I got to reading it though, and one statement stopped me dead in my tracks.

what does it mean

6. Wes Kremer Will Rip All Year, Again

Why We Think So: He's got Jan. 1 on lock, any year.

Excuse me? I'm not sure if you really grasped what is written above, so might I suggest a few re-reads for good measure just to ensure that we're on the same page here. All set?

Ok. Either I've been living under a rock my whole life and missed out on a now out of style catch-phrase, or Mike Munzenrider, much like Gretchen Wieners trying to make 'fetch' happen, is trying to get the ball rolling on this one. The last option, of course, is that I'm an idiot (highly likely), and all he is trying to say is that Wes Kremer will have a continually successful year, starting right on January 1st.

But lets just say I'm not an idiot.

Seriously, what on Earth does that mean? Wes Kremer has January 1st, aka New Year's Day, on lock, ANY year. Is this factual information? Does Wes Kremer have his own holiday that unfortunately also falls on New Year's Day that no one knows about because they're too hungover to notice that he has wasted no time to start absolutely crushing it for the year? And lets not forget: 'any year'. He's BEEN crushing it. No contest. Indisputable. This is common knowledge! Everyone knows it! ...Duhhhh!!!

Supposing this were true, does that mean that we should revoke all previous SOTY's of their title, because in our hungover New Year's Day daze we failed to take notice that Wes, like an absolute savage, had been killing it all along? Think about all of the complete and total carnage we must have missed out on without even realizing it. God dammit! Mike Munzenrider, why did you wait til NOW to bring this up!

Things we likely missed Wes Doing over the past 5-10 Jan. 1's:

1.) All of his enders. He actually waits til Jan. 1 to do his ender. Well, to practice, while no one is around. Then once he really nails it he has someone film it at some point later on in the year.

2.) The birth of his first child. Yup, Wes has a kid. And NONE OF Y'ALL have noticed because shit, the thing was born on, you guessed it: Jan. 1. Does this mean that they both have been killing it, father and son, every year??? This is all getting very hard to stomach.

3.) His induction to the baseball hall of fame. Never tired of ballin so he's on to the next sport. Pretty sure he helped the patriots win the Super Bowl as well? Wes Kremer SOTY, MVP, and Coach of the Year. Give it to the kid.

4.) Wes develops ebola vaccine. Ok. He didn't do this, but I think you get what I'm trying to say at this point.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIY-qD8rUmw&w=560&h=315]

Another thing too, which is perhaps the most disturbing detail of all, is that this Jan. 1 thing is originally referenced/hinted at in the opening paragraph... "we all knew Wes Kremer ripped on Jan. 1, 2014", it reads. I mean, yeah, I'd like to think 'we' could all generally agree that Wes Kremer is an excellent skateboarder, but to put a date on it (judgment day, if you will), straight up gives me the fear. I don't know how else to explain it, so I'll leave it at that. Have I gone insane?

Anyways, I'll leave off with this final plea. Someone, anyone, please try to explain this statement to me. That's really what the point of this article is. How can one man have Jan. 1 on lock, any year? If anything, that's an oddly specific, and terribly unfortunate day to expect someone to be on point, year after year. Did he lose a bet or something? So for Wes's sake (because I hope he hasn't been crushing it all this time right under our noses), and the rest of the skate world's sake, please fill me in. I genuinely would like to know.

PS - The rest of that article was great.

PPS - I'm not mad. Just scared. And confused.

Thank You,

-Evan