Not to re-hash 97% of what has been said on all local and national news channels regarding the weather in Boston lately, but this winter has been an unprecedented nightmare. Week after week we're continually pummeled by more and more snow, dashing hopes for weekend skatepark commutes and keeping morale among the skateboarding community very low. Many new-comers to Boston and its skate scene often ask the same question this time of year: "If there's no indoor park in the city, where do you guys skate in the winter?"
Well, my dear reader, we're here to blow the lid off all the secret winter spots our fair city has to offer. No longer will you have to wait weeks to fulfill your flat ground urges, below is a tell-all guide to surviving this long and brutal winter. I'd like to issue our readership a "you're welcome" in advance for this, not many websites would be willing to do that for you guys. ;)
The Window - There is a rarely a spot more visited during these winter months than the window. Skateboarders often gather here to have a gander at the weather outside, to tell you exactly where they’re going to move so they “never have to deal with this shit again”.
“Yeah dude, I gotta get out of here. Can’t fuckin’ take winter anymore like, I just can’t do it. Like, why am I even here? Do I really need the friends I’ve had my whole life? I need a change in my life dude, maybe I'll join the army, ship out to Afghanistan, I mean it can't be that bad, I'm on a beach year round dude, think about it...”
These are of course, for the most part, empty promises, emotional reactions to the 4 feet of snow seen outside. Rarely do we have the money, foresight, and balls to leave our cozy world filled with Dunkin Donuts', endless pizza places, and of course 3,000 different ledge spots. Maybe next year...but probably not.
The Bar - Not that the bar wasn’t a frequent destination when it was warm out, it’s just that the bar is definitely more inviting when it’s cold. You don’t even have to worry about being hungover during the next day’s session, you are DEFINITELY not skating. The excuse you were looking for during Spring, Summer, and Fall is finally here; and it just stays there for months at a time. That won’t stop you from making insane claims about all the gnarly skating you’re going to do when the snow’s gone, you’ll claim now more than ever. The best part? You won’t ever have to prove it. By the time skateboarding outside ever happens again no one will remember you saying how you were gonna even try that handrail, let alone kickflip front board it. It’s ok though, your secret’s safe with me. ;)
The Couch - Not all couches were created equal, and there’s definitely something special about that moment when you find the right one. Whether it’s at your parents house, your very own apartment, or in miracle scenarios, your girlfriend’s apartment, you know one when you see one. And many factors contribute to this anomaly in comfort - girth of said couch, firmness of the cushions, neck support, positioning in relation to the TV, smell (in many cases there are years of farts stored in there - think about it), and material (ever woken up on a sunny afternoon drooling into a leather couch drenched in sweat? yeah, fuck that). Once found, this spot is where you’ll log all of your non-drinking/pornhub hours this winter, likely resulting in the marathoning of subpar television programs you never could have imagined settling for in the midst of summer’s scorch. Oh, Frasier? You’re watching all of that. Multiple times over before the snow even begins to think about melting. Grab a blanket, get some cheez-its, and make damn sure the remote is within arm’s reach, cuz you ain’t going nowhere.
The Garage - Everybody has one. For decades now, the town square parking garage has become an institution serving skateboarders everywhere during the winter months . In many cases, for whatever reasons, discarded pieces of wood can be found here. Jackpot? Yes. Stack these bad boys on a parking block and you’ve got yourself a 4-inch kicker ramp. And since we’re on the topic… Parking blocks: do you really need anything else? If you are especially lucky however, your town’s garage may have multiple levels. This can only lead to one thing - the spiral. Sure, you might get hit by a car on your way down, but can you really put a price on a good old adrenaline rush, something you probably haven’t experienced in months at this point. Get some, because you probably won’t be skating for weeks after this sesh anyways.
YouTube - Yeah, of course utilization of the wireless/data plans goes through the roof for everybody over the icy months of winter, but skateboarders take it in a strange and sad direction. I’m not talking about porn (we already addressed that). The internet can be a dangerous place if you’ve decided to “stay in for the night”, and “just don’t really feel like getting blackout drunk” or any of the thousand excuses you use to cover up your seasonal depression/fear of the cold. All of a sudden you find yourself sitting in front of your laptop with a bottle of bourbon, browsing YouTube for old clips, reminiscing on the good old days. Waking up after a night of nostalgia is more embarrassing than when you look at your phone in the morning and notice a full on conversation with your ex-girlfriend.
That Girl You Were Kinda Leading On When It Was Warm, But You Have Nothing To Do Now’s House - Times are really tough when you can’t skate all day with your bro’s and you’ve exhausted the internet’s vast variety of pornography…what else do you even do with your life? That’s when you give “her” a call. You know the one. The one you call when you don’t pull a chick from the bar (you never do).Your 3 a.m. booty call. Your “buzzer beater”. The poor girl who’s so aware of you using her for only sex despite you drunkenly telling her you’re just not ready for a relationship, but when you are, it’ll be with her. Yeah, you chill with her now. During the months of December to late March you hang out with her sober, but insist that you don’t want to put a “label” on what you guys have (which is nothing). You check the weather to find that in the coming week it’s going to be 65 degrees out...it is with a heavy heart you tell her you want to see other people. “But I thought we didn’t have a label?! I thought we weren’t a thing?!” Little does she know “other people” just means guys who ride wooden toys. But what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her...
Google Maps - Summer never ends on the internet. I fucking love Google maps. You can do anything you want. You can walk down the street, go grab a burrito, scope out some babes, go hunting for spots. Anything your little heart desires. In any city! It’s always sunny out, because those little Google cars aren’t to be fucked with in the rain. Not only that, you can plan out trips! Got a buddy in Texas? Maybe you should do a little road trip. SF? Well, maybe hit up Kayak and see how much a flight costs, then survey the landscape on your favorite site, Google Maps. Hm, hopefully the construction at the Union Square rail is done, finna smith dat.
Work - Same as the bar, this is obviously a place we frequent during the warmer months as well as the cold, the difference being your willingness to actually be there. Your bosses are so impressed by your newfound commitment to your job...working late, coming in early, even forgoing your precious lunch break, you’re the new office stud. Former office stud, Chad, is now super salty about being demoted, his fake niceness around the office has now been replaced with passive aggressive jabs about how “gay” skating is and how much pussy he’s been getting lately (he hasn’t). Calm down, Chad, once the weather gets better you’ll have your precious title back, you fucking suck up. I still don’t care how many beers you drank last night and how hot the chick you took home was, you definitely drank half of what you claimed and you definitely ended up cry-bating on your couch while you watched a Friends marathon.
We're sorry if you thought this would actually help you get through winter...not to worry, we only have three weeks left. :)