Ask a SmlTalker: Freudian Perversion Reimagined


At 11:21 PM, on the night of August 12, 2014, a message popped into the inbox of the official Small Talk G-Mail account. The words contained within the body of the message represent what we believe to be the most horrifying, impossible-to-conceive, evil, sinister question ever posed to man. A situation that could never exist, even in the most perverse fantasies contained in the minds of Freudian deviants. Like, imagine a wet dream, but a wet nightmare where your dick falls off and kills you and sends you to jail and makes sure everyone knows what you did. Everyone. Here's what we're looking at:

"If your significant other and your mother switched bodies and the only way to get them back to normal was to have sex with one of them who would you pick? Please cite your sources and use appropriate footnotes where necessary."

Oh man. I really don't know what's going on here. I don't know what to believe in anymore. How did things take such a swift turn for the worse on a blog primarily focused on skateboarding at the turn of the millenium?

Well, we here at Small Talk are men of our words, and we said we would answer your questions. Now keep in mind that this is a 100% hypothetical situation, much like how lets suppose a 100% hypothetical person named Tin Tran asked this question in the first place. Anyways, without further ado, lets take a one-way trip into the dark, twisted, "maybe I just fucked my mom" Twilight Zone.

Lets just be clear here: In no way possible is it cool to have sexual intercourse with your mother. I figured that was a given, but oh man I just thought I'd put that out there. In the same vein, is banging your girlfriend's body with your mother's soul truly the better of two evils?

Also, what the fuck happened to consent? Don't you think that in this scenario the mother-in-girlfriend's body character would not be down to "get them back to normal" given the circumstances? There are many questions at play here. If you really think about it, wouldn't your girlfriend, you know, the one who you are presumably having sex with on a regular basis, be the one who would be willing to take one for the team (in this case, the "please let me die" team).


Idunno man, I also wonder if suicide is an option. In a world where you either have to fuck your mom with your girlfriend's personality, or fuck your girlfriend's body against your mom's will just to get things back to "normal", WHICH THEY WOULDN'T BE AFTER ALL OF THIS SHIT IS SAID AND DONE, wouldn't it just make more sense just to kill yourself?

Or like, how much do you love your girlfriend and/or mom? You could totally just bail. No one would blame you for it.

"Nah man, kinda fucked up how you left your mom and girlfriend to live forever, trapped in each other's bodies, just cuz you wouldn't stick it in one of them to put an end to it all". Oh yeah? You fuck your girlfriend-mom and live a normal life after that. DO IT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

In closing, there's no good answer to this question, so offing yourself or fleeing the scene of the crime are your best options.

When asked for commentary on the topic, Rojo said it best:

"Fucking moms body should be like a death metal concept album"

Plug-er in and let-er rip. Kill yo self, fool.