Ask A SMLTalker: Halloween Costumes


Marvin asked: "Tis the season to ask a SMLTalker... What's the most socially unacceptable Halloween costume out?" Given this question's almost laughably easy answer I want to make sure that by giving you this answer Martin, you are not, and I repeat NOT, going to use this as your Halloween costume.

Black face is by far the most unacceptable Halloween costume in all of Halloween's history. I shouldn't have to explain why. Just don't fucking do it, ever.


You hear about those frat kids that had a "MLK Jr. Party", by dressing up in do-rags and fucking basketball jerseys, drinking 40's and listening to rap music? Those kids are morons. And all they got was suspended? That's a real punishment for being (apparently) college educated and pulling shit like that? You know that dude gave his life to try and put an end to racism in America, right? You're telling me pound-me-in-the-ass prison isn't reasonable punishment for that? Whatever, dude. I suppose Chad and Bryan (pictured below) of Alpha Chi Jackoff have the whole pound-me-in-the-ass thing covered, anyway.


This is of course an example of an unacceptable "Adult-Halloween" costume. Not knowing how old you are Marvin, there is still a chance that you're of the tender age where Halloween is filled with wonder and excitement, goblins and ghouls and princesses running door to door in search of delicious candy. I long for those days, Marvin. You wouldn't believe how old it gets to see "Ms. Freshmen Fifteen" dressed as Officer DaddyIssues, pathetically vomiting outside the bar while her two friends, Nurse Butterface and I-Didn't-Wear-A-Costume-I'm-Just-Desperate-For-Any-Man's-Penis, hold her hair back and cry.*


For those still trick-or-treating—what Halloween is actually meant for—I would assume a socially unacceptable costume would be one that goes outside of American gender normalcy. For example, a young boy who opts out of being a Power Ranger and instead goes trick-or-treating as a glittery princess. Or a young girl, who instead of being her favorite Disney royalty, went as a butch football player. I imagine these would create shock-waves in quaint suburban communities, whose Halloween's are rarely disturbed by those trying to disrupt the social norms of such a sacred holiday. Fuck those people, Marvin. You wanna play princess? Then own it, Marvin.


Whatever you choose to do (with the exception of black face, of course) remember that both Adult-Halloween and Regular-Halloween have clear cut goals:

Adult-Halloween - Getting as drunk as humanly possible (pissing yourself, a plus).

Regular-Halloween - Eating so much candy you actually mimic the high of an adderall binge.

Good luck, Marvin.


*This is not to say that this behavior is only a trait of women. Halloween is also the world's largest pissing contest for Chad's all around the country to impress their fellow bro's. Often 4loko's and Bud Light's are consumed at such rapid rates that the inevitable "DUDE, like, I love you and...and like I just want you to know that you can tell me ANYTHING BRO...And I just think we should get out of these clothes..." occurs earlier in the night, sometimes before they leave the frat. And while I do not condone the behavior of these shitty dudes/women, getting drunk is the main goal of Adult-Halloween. Which leads me to conclude that drunk or sober, Chad and Officer DaddyIssues fucking suck...always.